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Tiny Buddha published Steve Hauptman’s personal essay about the limits of trying to control competing demands. Drawing on work, family, health and an emergency-room visit, Hauptman argues that accepting trade-offs can help people stop treating every unfinished task as failure. The essay is personal reflection, not a research finding or clinical guideline.
Psychotherapist and author Steve Hauptman has published a personal essay on Tiny Buddha arguing that people cannot meet every competing demand at once, and that accepting the cost of choices may ease the pressure to control every outcome. He uses a Rubik’s Cube as a metaphor for the way attention to one area of life can leave another unfinished.
Hauptman describes juggling work, family, household chores, writing, rest and health goals, and says he has often interpreted the inevitable gaps as evidence that he was failing. In his account, making progress on one priority can mean postponing another: a productive writing day may leave chores undone, while time spent on chores is time not spent on his book.
He frames this as a set of tensions around control. Among them, he argues that people may feel less secure when they try harder to control events, and that attempts to control other people can prompt resistance. His central point is that gaining control in one area can mean giving it up elsewhere. These are the author’s reflections and examples; the essay does not present them as findings from a study.
Hauptman also recounts a routine physical in which a cardiogram showed a blip that his doctor said could suggest a transient ischemic attack, or TIA. He says he was sent to an emergency department, waited there for four hours while tests were run, cancelled six client sessions and worried about his wife and potential costs. He reports that he eventually took a nap while waiting. The source does not give the test results or further medical details.
The Cost of Competing Priorities
The essay addresses a familiar pressure: the expectation that people should be able to perform well across work, relationships, health and daily responsibilities at the same time. Hauptman’s account offers a different interpretation of unfinished tasks. Rather than treating every neglected priority as proof of personal failure, he suggests seeing it as a consequence of choosing where to spend limited time and energy.
That framing matters because it distinguishes making a choice from failing to do everything. Hauptman does not claim that trade-offs disappear or that acceptance resolves practical problems. Instead, he describes a change in his response: he is less likely to regard an imperfect, “scrambled” part of life as evidence that he has done something wrong. The essay’s relevance is reflective rather than evidentiary; it shares one person’s perspective, not a tested method for managing stress.
mindfulness journal for accepting trade-offs
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A Personal Argument About Control
Hauptman introduces the essay with a quotation he attributes to Buddhist teacher Sylvia Boorstein: “Well, this isn’t what I want, but it’s what I got, so okay.” He then contrasts his own difficulty accepting life’s competing demands with a speed-cuber he once met who could solve a Rubik’s Cube in about a minute. The cube becomes an image for trying to make every side of life line up.
The author identifies himself as a “control addict,” using the phrase to mean a desire to make people and circumstances conform to expectations, rather than to describe a formal diagnosis. Tiny Buddha’s accompanying biography identifies Hauptman as an LCSW, psychotherapist and author of Monkeytraps: Why We Try to Control Everything and How We Can Stop, published in 2015. The article is an essay about his own outlook, not a report on a new study or clinical recommendation.
“Well, this isn’t what I want, but it’s what I got, so okay.”
— Sylvia Boorstein, as quoted by Steve Hauptman
Medical Details Remain Unreported
The essay does not say whether hospital tests confirmed or ruled out a TIA, what the cardiogram blip represented, or what follow-up care, if any, occurred. Hauptman presents the episode as a personal story about waiting and relinquishing control, not as a detailed account of a diagnosis.
More broadly, the piece does not establish that accepting trade-offs will produce the same response for other people. It includes no study data, clinical evaluation or independent assessment of the ideas. The source also does not state when the essay was published.
The Essay’s Personal Takeaway
The source identifies no planned follow-up reporting, research release or public event tied to the essay. Its concluding point is instead the change Hauptman says he is working toward: recognizing what a choice costs without interpreting that cost as proof of failure. He describes this as gradual acceptance, not a completed or universal solution.
Readers seeking information about health concerns should rely on qualified medical professionals rather than treating the anecdote as guidance. The essay’s next step for its own argument is simple: accept that some priorities will remain unfinished, and respond to that reality without assuming every trade-off means life has gone wrong.
Key Questions
What is Steve Hauptman’s essay about?
It is a personal reflection on control and competing priorities. Hauptman argues that people cannot meet every demand at once and that accepting trade-offs can make unfinished tasks feel less like personal failure.
Does the essay report new research?
No. It presents Hauptman’s experiences and interpretation, including examples from work, family life and a hospital visit. It does not cite a new study or report clinical evidence for its claims.
What happened during Hauptman’s hospital visit?
He says a cardiogram during a routine physical showed a blip that his doctor said could suggest a TIA, so he went to an emergency department. He reports waiting four hours while tests were run, but the essay does not provide the results or a diagnosis.
What does Hauptman mean by a trade-off?
He means that time or attention spent on one priority may not be available for another. For example, he says a day spent writing may leave household chores undone.
Is the essay medical advice?
No. The hospital episode is an anecdote in a personal essay, not medical guidance. Anyone with health concerns should consult a qualified medical professional.
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